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Every Single Christmas

by Geraldine Quinn

/

lyrics

Every Single Christmas

When your family is sizeable
Christmas planning is advisable
One by one my kindred flood the home
And I’m the one who came alone

Some have driven down from New South Wales
Bearing gifts from last year’s Boxing Day sales
Cracking jokes will stop us getting cranky
As we open the umpteenth hanky

And as the whole clan gathers apace
Comprising half of the whole human race
An idea strikes me like a jingling bell
Jesus Christ was single as well
Jesus was single as well

And every single Christmas is the same
Forty-something half-lapsed Catholics
Filled with carbs and cheap champagne
I won’t wilt your tinsel - with spinstery whining
I’m happy going home to watch The Shining
Happy birthday to you – Swinger King of the Jews

My sister’s wrestling with three small boys
My niece is eyeing off her cousin’s toys
Dad’s sits silent in his favourite chair
(Prob'ly good his his hearing’s so impaired)

Wrapping paper lapping at the walls
Every show that’s on the TV’s balls
Trestle tables groan with beef and ham and
The yearly roast potato famine

And it’s a far cry from when we were small
How did our parents manage at all?
I watch them wrangle their various sprogs
Gee I’m glad I’m like the Son of God
I’m exactly like the Son of God!

And every single Christmas is insane
Sis sets of in-laws to cram in
Like a peak hour Tokyo train
While they run from brunch to lunch to tea in a tizzy
I’ll pour another gin and crank up Thin Lizzy
Happy birthday to you – Swinger King of the Jews!

Soon you’re standing on the grass
Bowling short balls at the arse
Of a trembling little tyke
That’s the Christmas that I like
Dodging where the dog just shat
To stump another tiny brat – HOWZAT!

Every single Christmas is a cack
JC and I love children - But we also love to hand them back
I foil Kris Kringle with my odd-numbered spanner
I make the Grinch look like Pollyanna
Happy birthday to you Swinger King of the Jews

Every single Christmas is the same!
From white wine in the sun to VB long-necks in the pissing rain
Each Christmas when you witness – this devastation
Remember single ladies deserve celebration!
Happy birthday to you!
And all the bachelors too!
Happy birthday to you, Swinger King of the Jews!

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you, Swinger King of the Jews!

credits

released December 15, 2020
Written and Produced by Geraldine Quinn

Recorded remotely during Melbourne 2020 Lockdown.
Compiled, mixed and mastered by Steven J. Hearne.

Geraldine Quinn - lead and backing vocals, sleigh bells
Steven J. Hearne - guitar and bass
Nick Karassvidis - drums
Enio Pozzebon - keys
Mal Webb - slide trumpet, trombone
Gideon Brazil - saxophone
Casey Bennetto - backing vocals

17% of the extended Quinn family - 'Howzats'
Capability Brown - Woof Woof

Original arrangement created by Geraldine Quinn and Casey Bennetto with the Bella All-Star Band (Casey Bennetto, Geraldine Quinn, Enio Pozzebon, Vincenzo Ruberto, Ross McFerran, Mal Webb and Gideon Brazil).

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about

Geraldine Quinn Melbourne, Australia

Geraldine Quinn is a multi-award-winning writer-actor-songwriter-rock cabaretiér. She's been nominated for 26 Green Room Awards (winning 6), 3 Melbourne Comedy Festival Golden Gibbo Awards (winning in 2011), Best Cabaret in Adelaide Fringe (2013), 2 NZ Fringe Awards (2014) and was nominated for Most Outstanding Show in MICF 2022.

She's healthily enamoured of David Bowie & not at all obsessed.
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